Customer Service

I wrote this a week or two ago, but it's still relevant:

After at least a week of (relatively) cold days and freezing nights (no heat in my building yet, if at all) today was a balmy 75 and sunny. I went out to do some errands in a t-shirt, happy to be alive and living in a place where the fact that it was 75 degrees in the middle of November didn't necessarily mean that the world is on the verge of environmental collapse. One of my stops was at a hardware store to buy some silicone caulk for the kitchen faucet, which has been leaking enormous quantities of water onto the counters and down into the cabinet below the sink. It took me a few minutes to figure out where the caulk was, and one local phone call to confirm that the word shakuf means "transparent," but I finally picked out a tube and brought it to the cashier. There were two cashiers and three other employees gathered around the cash desk, but none of them moved or said a word after I placed the tube on the desk. Finally I asked them if I could pay. After a few seconds of silence, the first cashier said flatly, "no." I was a little surprised and said "no?!" And she confirmed: "no."

Then all five of them started to talk at once. My Hebrew is okay, but not good enough to understand five people shouting simultaneously about silicone . I gathered up all the Israeliness I have in me and loudly asked them to stop and speak one at a time. One of the employees then explained to me that the silicone had dried up and they wouldn't sell it to me. I thought this was a little weird, but said fine, I would take a different brand of caulk. He impatiently responded that all the caulk in the store had dried up. I asked, "so what's it still doing on the shelves?!?" and he just shrugged. Then he offered to cut the container open for me to prove it was really dried up. He did and... the caulk was totally fine, not dried up at all. He grumpily said, "okay, fine" and let me buy it. I left with an open tube of caulk and continued amazement at how bizarre this place can sometimes be.

My next errand was at Mr. Zol, one of the big supermarkets near my apartment. Mr. Zol translates into English as "Mr. Cheap." The name would never fly in America, especially since Mr. Zol is anything but zol. It's actually one of the more expensive supermarket chains around. In fact, the special pre-Rosh Hashanah edition of the national newspapers featured a full-page ad demanding that Mr. Zol ask for forgiveness from its customers for overcharging them and suggesting that the chain change its name to Mr. Yakar (Mr. Expensive). On top of all this, Mr. Zol is dirty and dark and their tomatoes-- even at the peak of fabulously wonderful tomato season-- are the greenish, rock-hard things you find in suburban East Coast supermarkets in February. But it is the closest "real" grocery store near me, so sometimes I just deal.

Today I was wandering around in the frozen food (read: ice cream) section and noticed some stickers on the Zoglovek products* noting that they didn't contain any partially hydrogenated oil. I got all excited, because Israeli is the worst when it comes to trans fats-- they're in everything. I decided to buy some, and then the madness began.

I stood at the checkout line for a long time and then finally paid for my things. When the clerk handed me my receipt I thought the total was too high and I had been overcharged for two items. I asked her if she could check it for me, but she shrugged and told me I had to take all my groceries over to the customer service desk and they would deal with it. After waiting on line at that desk, I finally explained what I thought had happened and the clerk went off somewhere to check the details.

Nearly ten minutes later (!) the clerk returned and said there was a mixup with a "buy 2, get 1 free" special. (I had thought it was "buy 1, get 1 free.") I decided I didn't want three boxes of Zoglo's and told her I wanted to return the two I already had. She looked at me with what seemed like genuine hostility and said "WHY NOT? Just buy another one!" When I replied "I don't NEED three boxes of veggie shnitzel" she grumped at me, but did begin writing out a receipt and finally pushed it across the desk. I then asked her where to take the receipt so I could get my money back. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "It's for next time. You can have a credit when you come back!" Since I'm (obviously) not a Mr. Zol fan and try not to shop there that often, this wasn't such a great option and I politely told her I'd like my money back. The clerk glared again and said that in that case I had to go back to the cashier who originally rang me up.

I grabbed my several bags of groceries and shlepped back to the cashier, where I had to wait until she was finished with the line of people she was checking out. When I explained what I wanted, the ensuing dialogue went like this:

Clerk: So, where are your groceries?!
Me (confused): Here! (pointing to my shopping bags on the floor)
Clerk: Take them out again!
Me: Huh?!?
Clerk: The only way I can give you your money back is to ring up your groceries again. Take them out!

So I unpacked all the groceries that I had just bagged 20 minutes ago, and she checked me out again. And I finally got my money. It couldn't have been a more ridiculous, inefficient process if I had tried. A few days ago someone asked my Hebrew teacher how to say "customer service." She paused for a moment and then said, "what's that?"


SAR: Zoglovek is the original Israel brand name for Zoglos! Crazily, they're not that much less expensive here than they are in the US.